Word of God Speak

Where do I even begin? This past weekend I part of the prayer team on an Unidos en Cristo weekend. This is not a new thing for me to do. I've been a part of this incredible ministry for almost 10 years now and if my count is right, this was my 12th weekend, including the the one where I was a "Weekender" back in 2008 and I've been a part of each of the support teams, including giving some of the talks of the weekend.

On my way home last night, I turned on the radio and MercyMe's song, "Word of God Speak" was playing. I nearly had to pull over my car because a wave of emotion came over me so strongly that all I could do was weep.  Here are the words:

I'm finding myself at a loss for words

And the funny thing is it's okay

The last thing I need is to be heard

But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak

Would you pour down like rain

Washing my eyes to see

Your majesty

To be still and know

That you're in this place

Please let me stay and rest

In your holiness

Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You

Beyond the music, beyond the noise

All that I need is to be with You

And in the quiet hear Your voice

I'm finding myself at a loss for words

And the funny thing is it's okay

I'm finding myself at a loss for words

And the funny thing is it's okay

When the Holy Spirit fills a place, transforms the lives of people, and makes Himself known, you find yourself at a loss of words. Grace poured down like rain this weekend and filled the lives of everyone that was caught in the storm. Being part of the prayer team this weekend was especially powerful for me because I had a chance to rest in His holiness and hear His voice clearly. 

As I was driving home, trying to reflect on all that had happened and all the little things that had happened. God broke locks and froze trailer doors as a way to show who was in control. He cleared traffic and grocery lines so we could rain gifts of chocolate on a bunch of women who had been in a church for four days. He roosted over a church of women like a hen protecting her chicks from any harm and made His presence known by touching hearts and changing lives.  

That said, this weekend blew me away and still get teary-eyed when I think back on it. God spoke this weekend.In fact, He swept in and took charge and it was breathtaking.  I was given a holy refuge, was able to worship my Jesus and lift others to him in prayer. God made a brick and mortar church building his CHURCH, filled it with people that love Him, and gave us the ability to serve each other and show a bunch of beautiful ladies how much God loves them and that their lives have worth.  While my body is still exhausted, my soul is filled and refreshed.  What an opportunity, what an honor. God used me, little old me!

If you have interest in experiencing one of these weekends, just ask. It truly is a gift and I'd love to chat with you about it!

My Christmas Labor of Love

Every year for the past I don't know how many years, I make two cheesecakes.  One is for my little family to enjoy on Christmas Eve and the other I bring to my mom and dad's house to share with everyone.  They are delicious, cheesecakey goodness, and at this point, I think people would be rather irritated with me if I didn't bring it.

One of my pet peeves when making a cheesecake is when they crack.  Yeah, it still tastes delicious, but an uncracked, home-made cheesecake is the epitome of cheesecake baking and every one I would make would crack.  Irritating!  About 10-12 years ago, I came across a recipe that is long, a bit complicated, but usually comes out crack free if you follow it exactly.  It is a plain, New York style cheesecake on a shortbread crust.  I like plain cheesecake because you can jazz it up with whatever you like.  I usually get get a bag of frozen mixed berries and simmer them down with 1/2 cup of sugar, blending it with my immersion blender.  I also prefer the shortbread over graham cracker, because, let's face it!  What is there not to like about buttery shortbread?

I've been asked for the recipe and am going to share it.  I originally found it on the Recipezaar site which I think is now Food.com.  Be prepared, it really is a labor of love and is putzy, but so worth it!  I usually am one who will tinker with a recipe, but this one I follow to the letter, every single time.  Only when I have done something a bit differently have I had a cracked cake.  I usually bake it in the evening because the house is a bit quieter and not as much running and bouncing around.

New York Style Cheesecake on Shortbread Crust

3 1/2 hours/1 hour prep

Crust Ingredients:

1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

1/3 cup white sugar

1/2 cup butter

1 egg, beaten

Cheesecake Ingredients:
2 1/2 pounds cream cheese (5 8-ounce packages)
1 3/4 cups white sugar
pinch of salt
3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
5 large eggs plus 2 egg yolks
2 teaspoons vanilla extract (adjust to taste)
1/4 cup heavy whipping cream

Directions:

1. As with all baking, have all your ingredients at a cool room temperature
2. Get a couple quarts of water boiling on the stove.
3. Arrange racks in your oven so there is one on the lowest and one in the middle. If you do not have a center position, then go mid-lower.
4. Have a clean 10x14x2 inch (give or take) roasting pan ready.
5. Preheat oven to 400º F.

Crust:

1. Gently combine 1 1/2 cups flour, 1/3 cup sugar, 1 egg, and 1/2 cup butter in a medium bowl.
2. Spread to the edges of the springform pan
3. Prick all over with a fork, then bake 10-15 minutes at 400º F until lightly browned.  Allow to cool on a rack.

Filling:

1. Increase oven temperature to 475º F. 
2. Turn oven light OFF (trust me on this one), place roasting pan on bottom rack and fill with boiling water.
3. In a large bowl (I use a stand mixer), very gently beat cream cheese until smooth.  I use the slowest setting for 5 minutes.
4. Scrape down sides of bowl.
5. Gradually add the salt, 1 3/4 cups sugar, and 3 tablespoons flour--continue to beat SLOWLY until well combined, scrape down sides of bowl.
6. In a small bowl, gently beat the vanilla, 5 eggs, and the 2 yolks.  Gradually add eggs to the cream cheese mixture.
7. Continue to stir until combined and smooth, stop mixer occasionally and scrape down sides.
8. VERY IMPORTANT! Stop mixer, remove bowl and give it a good scraping (some of the cream cheese will stick to the sides and bottom of the bowl), replace bowl on mixer and stir until all lumps are gone.
9. Add cream and mix only enough to blend.
10. Gently pour filling over crust, run a thin knife around the filling in a "S" pattern to remove any trapped air bubbles.  Let sit for 5 minutes and do it again.  I also tap the pan on the counter to work any air bubbles to the top. 
11. Bake for 10 minutes at 475º F. 
12. Reduce temperature to 200º F and continue to bake for one hour
13. Turn oven off, but leave cake in for another hour
14. DO NOT TOUCH THAT OVEN DOOR! You have created a nice, humid environment that will help prevent cracks and produce a perfect, professional, New York style cheesecake assuming you didn't mess it up by changing the atmospheric conditions
15. It may appear a little jiggly in the center and will have a  golden appearance around the edges. 
16. Allow to cool on a rack for a several hours, release the latch slightly on the sides of the pan after 20 minutes, rotate sides to be sure the cake is free (but don't take it off yet), you can remove the sides after an hour (or so) if you want to admire your work, but replace it quickly or the cake may fall.
17. After it's cool, wrap completely with plastic wrap, there should be a layer stuck to the top of the cake.
18. Chill overnight in the refrigerator (Yes, this is required).
19. The cake will stay at peak flavor for several days so long as you keep it wrapped and cold.

What could go wrong? If the cake cracks, you either had your ingredients too cold, mixed the filling too vigorously, opened the oven door while the cake was cooking, or didn't have a pan of water in the oven.

If it does crack, don't despair--just cover it with a dark fruit or layer of cookie crumbs.

This is a fabulous cheesecake.  Delicious just as it is or with a fruit compote or drizzle of chocolate or caramel syrup.  If you are willing to put in the time and follow the directions, you will have a delicious cheesecake as an end result! Enjoy!

To God be the Glory even in our times of trial...

Long time, no blog.  What can I say?  Life interruptus.  Can it be any simpler than that?  Mike mentioned a few days ago that I really should pick up journaling again and I agreed.  I know I should.  It helps me sort out the thoughts that are tumbling around in my head.  Maybe I'll catch up on some of the things that have been happening in our life, or maybe not.  One of the things that I do, that I have really enjoyed the past couple of years is lay counseling.  I am a volunteer for a local counseling center that trains people to become lay counselors and in return, after a year long of pretty intense training (we started out with a group of nine and only graduated three) we are asked to volunteer our time once a week for two years to this wonderful ministry.  We are under the umbrella of a licensed psychiatrist and God is at work on Thursday nights.  I love it!

Right now, I am going through a little book called The Red Sea Rules by Robert J. Morgan. It is a comparison of the trials we face with the trials the Israelites faced coming out of Egypt in Exodus 14 and giving 10 "rules" on how or why we face difficulties in our walk with Jesus. How to walk from fear to faith, the description says.

While I have done a lot of highlighting in this little book, there is one point I want to discuss right now.  It's been rolling around since I read it this evening.   The question asked is, "According to Exodus 14:3-4, why did God lead His people to the edge of the sea?"

I'll quote Exodus 14:3-4 so you have the context:

Pharaoh will say of the children of Israel, "They are bewildered by the land; the wilderness has closed them in."  Then I will harden Pharaoh's heart, so that he will pursue them; and I will gain honor over Pharaoh and over all his army, that the Egyptians may know that I am the LORD.

So God had His beloved nation between the proverbial rock and hard place.  He has the Israelites fleeing for their very lives and has promised to deliver them from Egypt.  Why in the world did he lead them to the edge of the Red Sea with nowhere to turn?    Not only that, He told Moses to have them go back and set up camp!  Really?  Set up camp with the Pharaoh's army hot on their heals?? Why in the world would God tell them to do that?  To test their faith or to use their hardship, their trial, to show His glory and His might to the Egyptians?

I had never thought of it in that context.  To be honest, I had never given it much thought before tonight.  God led them to the Red Sea, He parted the waters so that the Israelites could pass through and then, when they had gotten safely across, had the waters come crashing down on the Egyptian army.  Take that, Pharoah's army!  Israelites win!

After mulling on it, I think that though it was a test of faith for the Israelites, it was more for the Egyptians.  The Egyptian army knew they were closing in on the people of Israel.  I mean, God set a huge pillar of clouds in the day and fire by night for them to follow!  My guess is that they weren't that hard to find.  I can imagine them arriving with their 600+ chariots and all the might of the Egyptian army and overtaking this ragamuffin band of Israelites camping on the shore of the Red Sea.  Of course the Israelites were frightened and cried out to Moses who calmly stretched his hands over the sea and God split the waters, giving His nation safe passage to the other side.

Now, of course, the Egyptian army tried to follow, but mass chaos ensued.  Swerving chariot wheels, confusion, and all sorts of mayhem were set upon the army and once the last Israelite was safely across, the winds, holding back of the water, swept up and out of that channel and the waters came crashing back into place.

God's glory, power, and might shown to the people of Egypt.  Those who survived went back to their land with tails between their legs, but, oh, what a story to tell.  How could their many gods ever stand up to the might of the One God of Israel?  They couldn't.  God's glory prevails.  What a story!

How is God using YOUR story, your trials to bring glory to Himself?  Most of the times our trials are brought on by our own actions, but He can deliver us from them, teach us wisdom, and use them for His own glory.  Are you letting Him?

Somber Saturday...

It's been a while since I've posted anything and for that, I apologize.  It is probably something I need to dig deeper into, but that's for another time and another blog post.  This evening.. well, my heart has been heavy and I'm feeling compelled to write.

The rain is falling steadily with regular flashes of lightening and rolls of thunder.  We really don't need anymore rain right now with all the flooding we've had around Minnesota, but tonight, it feels right.  I'm in a sad, somber mood and it feels like God has sympathy.  You see, even though Jesus is rejoicing with His saints, we are mourning the loss of that bright light that is gone from this world.  This morning, Mike and I, celebrated the life of one of our dear friends, Rev. Dr. (was that the right order?) Gary Downing.  Gary Didn't want to call himself a Christian, but instead, was a self-professed "Friend-Maker for God" and lived his life to do exactly that.

One of the things that really struck me this morning was the legacy that was left behind.  Gary was always a man that was intentional with building relationships.  It is through building intentional relationships with other people, we can introduce them to the living Jesus.  We can show them that the Holy Spirit is alive and well in us through our words, actions, and even our mistakes and how we deal with them.  I always thought I understood what Gary meant when he said he was a Friend-maker for God, but today, Gary imparted a last bit of his great wisdom in me.

"Anyone who is joined to Christ is a new being; the old is gone, the new has come. All this is done by God, who through Christ changed us from enemies into his friends and gave us the task of making others his friends also.  Our message is that God was making all human beings his friends through Christ.  God did not keep an account of their sins, and he has given us the message which tells how he makes them his friends.

Here we are, then, speaking for Christ, as though God himself were making  his appeal through us.  We plead on Christ's behalf: let God change you from enemies  into his friends! Christ was without sin, but for our sake God made him share our sin in order that in union with him we might share the righteousness of God.

In our work together with God, then, we beg you who have received God's grace not to let it be wasted.  Hear what God says:

 "When the time came for me to show you favor, I heard you;  when the day arrived for me to save you, I helped you."

Listen! This is the hour to receive God's favor; today is the day to be saved!"

2 Corinthians 5:17-6:2 (Good News Bible Translation) 

 Christ changed us from enemies into his friends and gave us the task of making others his friends also. 

This is what it means to be a Friend-maker for God and this is truly how Gary lived his life.  He lived his life to "Make a friend, be a friend, and bring a friend to Christ."

Thank you, my friend, for even in death, you are teaching me still.  I am so thankful that we are a people of hope and I know I will see you again in Glory. I will cherish the friendship that you and Kathy gave to our family and hold tight to the lessons you taught us. Go in peace, my friend, and rest in the loving arms of your best friend and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Sunday, Sunday!

This morning Mike and I decided to play hooky from church and to take Nate and Rachael out for breakfast instead.  It's not something that we do very often, but for some reason, decided to brave the sub-zero weather and go to Cheap Charlie's for breakfast.  We had grand plans to do grocery shopping and get some errands run while we were out, except we forgot the list so that had to wait.

Cheap Charlie's is one of those hole-in-the-wall, greasy spoon café's that if you weren't a local, you would pass it by as looking sketchy.

The food is good and you get a lot of it!  Rachael ordered a pancake and sausage links.  The pancake was bigger then her plate and she got 4 sausage links.  The rest of us had omelets.  

Anyway, after we were done, we came home to drop off the kids and get the shopping list.  Nathan and Rachael had no desire to go shopping and that was just fine with Mike and I!  

Since Mike has started running three years ago, he likes to subscribe to Runners Magazine.  Ever so often, he'll rip out recipes that look good to him.  Sometimes we'll try them right away and sometimes he'll misplace them and find them later.  He had happened to find a recipe that he had ripped out of the August 2011 magazine and asked that I make it. It was fantastic!  Mike actually commented as we were eating that I should've played with this one.  What??  Played with it?  Then he explained that I should've taken pictures as I was making it because it was too good not to share.  Gee.. Glad he appreciates my efforts!

So, unfortunately, I did not "play with it" while I was cooking.  I did, however, take a picture of it.  I even dirtied another bowl to make it pretty!  I'm such a girl!

So, here it is:

Not only is it pretty, it is pretty healthy!  The recipe comes from Runners Magazine, August 2011 and credited to chef, Rocco DiSpirito.

Tortilla Soup with Avocado

serves 4

1 1/2 corn tortillas

2/3 cup low-fat, low-sodium chicken broth (I just used the whole can)

1 cup canned, diced fire-roasted tomatoes (again, I used the whole can)

2 chipotle chiles in abodo sauce, chopped fine

2/3 cup store-bought hot fresh salsa (I used medium, jarred salsa because it was what I had)

1/2 cup fresh or frozen corn kernels

1 cup cooked skinless chicken breast, shredded

salt and freshly ground black pepper, to taste

1/3 ripe Haas avocado (but only Mike and I like avocado so it wasn't divided equally)

1/3 cup chopped cilantro (and I just realized I forgot to use this.. Oops!)

Preheat the oven to 375ºF.  Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.  Cut the tortillas into 1/4-inch-wide strips.  Place in a single layer on the baking sheet; bake until golden and crisp, about nine minutes.  Combine the chicken broth, tomatoes, chiles, salsa, and corn in a medium saucepan.  Bring to a boil over high heat.  Turn the heat to medium-low and simmer for 8 minutes.  Shred the chicken and stir into the soup.  Season with salt and pepper.  Chill in the refrigerator if serving cold (we did not, too cold outside for cold soup!) Ladle the soup into four bowls.  Top each with avocado, cilantro, and tortilla strips.

CALORIES PER SERVING: 142 CARBS: 20 G FIBER: 3 G PROTEIN 12 G FAT: 3 G

Birthday Season has Begun!

So I know it's been entirely too long since my last post about anything and that's been weighing a little heavy on my mind.  Been thinking that I should maybe do an update.

Christmas is over, the New Year has begun.  It's the holiday drought now until Easter, right?  Or at least Valentine's Day.  Yeah, no.  Not at the Peterson house!  Birthday Season has officially begun.  Nathan's birthday is today.  He's 15 years old.  15 years old???? How in the world did that happen?  I remember driving to the hospital dark and early that very cold, blustery morning 15 years ago excited, knowing that within a few hours, I'd be holding my brand new, sweet, little baby.  Now he's an ornery teenager! Love him, though, and wouldn't trade him for all the tea in China.

Starting today and ending on February 13, we have four out of the five Petersons will celebrate a birthday.  Birthday Season has begun.

So... in honor of Nate's birthday (and because he has requested it, because it's his absolute FAVORITE soup!) I have made Chicken Wild Rice soup.  It's one of those super-secret family recipes, but I don't think my mom will mind me sharing it (Thanks, Mom!) I was blessed with a fantastic cook of a mother growing up and this one was a favorite of mine as a kid.

So here is the cast of characters.

 I forgot to add the chicken broth and onions in the original picture and I ended up doubling it so there will be left-overs.  This is a soup that freezes wonderfully.  Just know that when you're looking at the pictures, it's the doubled amount.  I'll post the original recipe at the end.

Cook the chicken.  I usually boil it, but if you have some left-over chicken, you can use that.  I've never used canned chicken, but I suppose that would work, too. Cube it up and set it aside to add as you're putting the soup together.

I don't buy the canned wild rice.  You could and use extra water in the soup, but the rice "broth" adds such a nice flavor that it's worth the extra work.  Do it.  Trust me, it's worth it!

Rinse the wild rice and heat up a tablespoon of oil in a frypan and add the rice.  You're going to want to keep an eye on it.  You want to sauté the rice until it starts to "pop".  Wild rice has such a tough outer husk that you want to pop it so that it can absorb liquid.  It should go from looking like this:

To looking like this:

And here's a close-up.  Isn't it pretty?

When the rice is done popping, put it in a sauce pan with 4 cups of water.  Bring it to a boil and let it simmer for about 30 minutes.  You don't want to cook it all the way, but you want to let it absorb quite a bit of the water.  Add about a teaspoon or so of salt to the water for flavor.

While the rice is simmering, peel the carrots and slice the carrots and celery into thin slices.  Dice up the onion.

Melt the butter in a stockpot (I did it in a bigger frypan because I put the soup in a crockpot) and add the veggies.  While the vegetables are sautéing, heat up the chicken broth. When the onions are translucent, slowly add 1/2 cup of flour and stir into the vegetable mixture to create a roux mixture and let it cook for about 5 minutes to cook out the flour taste.   Slowly add in the hot chicken broth and the reserved rice water  and allow the mixture to thicken slightly.

After the soup has thickened, add the 1/2 & 1/2 (I used half 1/2 & 1/2 and half skim milk, if you're feeling really decadent go ahead and go all out with the 1/2 & 1/2!). Blend well and add rice, chicken, rosemary and salt/pepper to taste.  Simmer another 20 minutes.  

When it's done, it is thick and chunky and full of all sorts of rib-sticking goodness!  We usually have it with some fresh bread.  Carbs galore!

We also get to have it with birthday cake tonight... Yum!  Birthday cake AND ice cream.  I mean.. what's a birthday without cake?

Yea cake!  And happy birthday to my 15-year-old.  You're the greatest, Nate!

This was taken at Christmas and those are NOT my dogs!  Two belong to my mom and dad and the other two to my sister.  We were surrounded by little white fluff balls at Christmas, but it was a great picture taken by my sister. Probably my current favorite of Nate!  Happy Birthday!

Shoot.. realized that I forgot to add the recipe at the end of the post!  Here it is:

Mom's Creamy Chicken Wild Rice Soup

3/4 C. uncooked wild rice

1 T. vegetable oil

4 C. water

1 t. salt

1 medium onion, diced

1 carrot, sliced

1 stalk celery, thinly sliced

1/2 C. butter

1/2 C. flour

3 C. chicken broth

2 C. half & half

3/4-1 C. diced chicken

1/8 t. rosemary

salt and pepper to taste

Rinse rice and sauté in the vegetable oil until it starts to "pop".  Add rice to a saucepan with water and salt and simmer until nearly done, about 30 minutes.  Reserve 1 1/2 C. of the rice liquid.  

In large kettle, melt butter and sauté onion, celery and carrot until the onion is translucent.  Reduce heat.  Thoroughly, blend in flour and cook for 5 minutes, stirring often.  With wire whisk, blend in hot chicken broth and rice liquid.  Allow to thicken slightly.  Add half & half, blending well.  Add rice, chicken, salt, pepper, and rosemary and simmer another 20 minutes.  

This freezes well and makes amazing left-overs!

Not my plans for the weekend!

I don't know how many of you know me from Facebook, but I've noticed that I've gotten a few more followers and sorry to say, I don't recognize all the names.  I feel so blessed that you have chosen to read my blog for whatever reason.  I do this both so that I can have an outlet and I pray that I can be an inspiration to those who read it.  I've said from the beginning, if I can do it, anyone can.  I'm just an ordinary woman trying to live a life in God's grace.

This past weekend was an absolutely beautiful weekend in Southeastern Minnesota.  Highs in the low 70's, clear blue skies.  One of those weekends where you just want to squeeze every ounce out.  Once of those weekends where you want to stay out as long as you can because you can smell Fall on the horizon and know that there are not going to be too many of these types of weekends left before snow starts to fly.  We had plans.  I had a meeting in Albert Lea that was supposed to be all day on Saturday and Mike was going to take Nate and Rachael with a friend back to New Ulm to bring a U-Haul truck back with the rest of the furniture from his dad's house so that we can be ready to close at the end of the month.  Sunday we were hoping to go on a long bike ride and enjoy the day before school started for Rachael on Monday.  Good plans right?  Not His plans!

Friday morning I went about the morning.  Worked on budget stuff (which I hate, HATE doing, but it needs to be done, right?) and about 12:30 went to make some lunch for Rachael and I.  As I was standing at the counter I felt a sharp, twingy pain shoot through the right side of my lower back.  I remember thinking it was strange and tried to stretch it out a bit.  Wondered what I had done to pull a muscle.  Finished making lunch and sat down to eat and got one bite and the sharp twinge turned into a shooting stab that took my breath away.  It hurt to sit, it hurt to stand, it hurt to pace.  I went and laid on my tummy on the couch hoping it would go away.  Laid there for about 30 minutes and it faded a bit.  Sat down at the table again and finished my lunch and it hit me again.  I went to the bathroom and lost my lunch and grabbed the heating pad.  Back to the couch I went again and texted my husband to tell him I wasn't going to be able to get to the store like I had planned.

This time, it didn't get better.  I was moaning and crying. I just couldn't help myself.  The dog was freaking out, my 5-year-old was kicking into "mommy"-mode and as much as I hate to admit it... I wasn't being patient and I wasn't being helpful.  I'm sure she was scared because I knew I was.  It kept getting worse and I finally went to the computer and texted my husband because he wasn't answering his phone.  He's been incredibly busy and this doesn't surprise me.  Being that he works on a computer all day, I knew he'd get the message.  I simply wrote, "I need you to come home and take me to the hospital."  He was home within 1/2 hour. 

In the ER, it was taking everything I had to hold myself together and not make a lot of noise.  Mike was trying to distract Rachael as I sat on the edge of my chair rocking and quietly moaning.  It was a busy afternoon at the Olmsted Hospital Emergency Room, but they got me back within 1/2 hour and hooked up to an IV with pain meds shortly after that.  Went back for a CT scan and suspicions were confirmed. I had a kidney stone. I got back to my area in the ER and the doctor came in to talk to me.  He said that he could send me home to manage the pain there (it wasn't being managed at this point) or they could admit me.  I told him he was the doctor, what would he suggest.  He suggested staying overnight until pain control could be established.  So Friday night, I was admitted to the hospital.

Now, it's interesting.  I have heard that kidney stones are one of the most painful things that a person can have happen.   I certainly know that they are the most painful thing I have had happen to me.  The pain never did become completely manageable.  I was on high doses of Fentanyl hourly.  100 mcg/shot and that only dulled the pain to a 3-4.  All night Friday, they were giving me shots in the IV hourly.  I didn't sleep, I'm sure those in the rooms around me didn't sleep.  I felt like a wimp.  I felt defeated.  Saturday morning, they gave me a pump so that I could self-administer the Fentanyl.  This helped!  10 mcg every 5 minutes as needed between oral doses of oxycodone seemed to be making it manageable.  Unfortunately, they can't send you home with a PCA pump so another night at the hospital it was.

My biggest fear was going to sleep and to wake up in agony because you can't push the pump when you're sleeping.  I was assured it would be ok and finally drifted off to sleep at about 8:30.  Around 10 p.m. I woke up.  It's funny when you wake up in that kind of situation because your brain immediately does an assessment.  "Ok.  In the hospital.  How am I feeling.... Oh yeah, there's' pain.  How bad is it?  Oh.. not good!" I started pounding on my pump and hitting the nurse call button for help.  Unfortunately, 10 mcg every 5 minutes doesn't put a dent in the pain and was not due for my oxycodone for another 45 minutes.  I was told until they could get a hold of the doctor on call, there is nothing that could be done.

So what do I do?  I'm curled up in the fetal position crying and moaning and I hear a small, quiet voice in my head.... "Call on me.  I am strong enough.  I can handle this.  Give it to me."

So that is what I did.  "Jesus help me.  God take this from me.  Help me through this.  Give me strength.  I give this to you. You are strong enough. I can't do this without you." became my mantra.  Over and over again.  Maybe not those exact words, but pretty close.  While He didn't take my pain from me, somehow, time seemed to go faster and it did get more bearable.  I wish I could say it was the only time it happened, but it wasn't.  I was in the hospital until Monday morning when I finally passed that little devil of a stone and the pain was never completely under control.  I think this happened at least three more times, maybe four, but I found that when I called on Jesus, the time went faster and it was easier to handle the pain.

Jesus was my Rock.  I could feel His arms around me as I sat and moaned and rocked back and forth.  He was my Comforter.  The funny thing is, is that He wants to be all these things when times are good, too!  He wants to rejoice with us as well as cry with us.  He wants dance with us as well as lay down with us.  He wants to be our confidante.  He wants to be our Friend.  How easy it is to call upon us when things aren't going so well, but then to turn around and forget when things are going our way.

Take a moment.  Take a moment and thank Him for all that you have.  Thank Him for the little things.  The things you take for granted.  Thank you for the things that trouble you.  Thank Him for everything because without Him, we would have nothing.

So as strange as it might sound, I thank him for the pain I had over the weekend as well as the soreness and tenderness that I have as I recover because it reminds me that I have life!  It reminds me that I do have so many things to be thankful for.  Thank you, Jesus, for it all.

Peace or band-aids?

Sometimes a Bible verse touches you in ways you don't expect.  This morning, Mike and I were doing our devotion and the verse was "They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. “Peace, peace,” they say, when there is no peace." (Jeremiah 8:11) and tears started welling in my eyes, because I understand.  This has happened to me and, unfortunately, I have done it to others.

People who are hurting deeply know when they're being placated.  Patting someone on the back with a, "There, there, it's going to be alright." because it makes you feel better isn't helping that person experiencing pain.  Yes, it is going to be alright.  With God's help, everything will be alright, but that pain, that hurt, and eventually, that scar are all real and they ache.  

I remember back when we were hurting so badly because it felt as though we'd been tossed out by our ear by the church we so loved we got lots of cards and a few flowers.  Because it was so sudden and quietly done, people didn't know what to do.  While we appreciated the sentiments, what meant the most was the few people that walked alongside us.  Those that lifted us up and let us lean on them for support. Those that lifted us up in prayer and prayed with us.  We were broken, shattered and limping.  We are still healing and sometimes, when it feels as though it's all better, a little reminder comes along to remind you of the scar that remains. 

Some wounds are serious.  Some wounds require more then a band-aid and pat on the back.  Some wounds have cut so deep that it takes a Healer to mend them.  They take time and they take love and they take forgiveness.  They take Jesus.  Proverbs 3:5-6 says it well, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths."  

Some versions say, "he will make your paths straight." but I tend to like the "direct your paths." because the path is not always straight.  It's not always even.  There is going to be stumbling blocks and side tracks, but He will direct it.  God will show you the path, He will put people in your path that will help you on your journey, but you need to trust Him instead of yourself.  I know the times that I've tried to rely on myself are the times I've been led down the wrong path. You have to have trust in the Lord.  Do you trust Him?  Are you willing to let Him direct your path?  Are you willing to let Him heal your heart?  It's not an easy choice.  It's not a choice that normally goes along with societal norms, but it us one that has great satisfaction.  When I have trusted God, I have known rest and peace.  It's a path that leads to restoration instead of band-aids.  

I want to ride my bicycle...

Like most people, I've grown up knowing how to ride a bicycle.  I don't even remember when I learned, that memory is gone, but, as a child, one of my best memories is going on bike rides after dinner with my dad.  We would bike all over.  Through the neighborhood, around the lakes, everywhere.  In the summer, it would be multiple times a week that we would go on a bike ride.  As I got older, my bike was my main form of transportation for 3 seasons out of the year.  It was nothing for me to get on my bike and go across town to visit a friend or to pack a lunch and take off for the day to wherever my bicycle would take me.  I had baskets over my rear wheels and a little dog who used to love to go on bike rides with me.  I'd line the basket with a towel or blanket and Sassy would go for a ride.  The looks we would get cruising around town!  Of course, this was the same dog that used to love to go to the park and go down slides!  She was an awesome dog!

So I digress.  After I went to college and got married, my bike got dusty.  My family grew and my bike sat neglected.  When we bought our first house, I got a new bike with the best intentions to start riding again.  I even got one of those little trailers for Nathan, but I don't think we made it further then around our little neighborhood.  The bike sat in the rafters for years and years until this past summer. 

In the past month, I decided I wanted to start riding again.  Mike had started riding his bike again, we had just bought Nate a new bike (he had outgrown his) and Rachael was learning how to ride hers.  It was time.  Down came the bike and we looked it over.  After hanging in the rafters for more years than I care to remember, we realized that it needed some TLC and off it went to Erik's Bike Shop.  It cost nearly as much as the bicycle to get it ready to ride, but it was ready.  Then, I realized I needed a helmet.  I suppose if we require our children to wear a helmet, I needed one too, right?  Bought a stylin' helmet, got a rack for the vehicles, and got the old hitches (that were rusted in!) out of the receivers. (Ask Nate about his THOR hammer!)  Nathan, the great big brother that he is, took it upon himself to get his sister riding without her training wheels and did a fantastic job.  We didn't realize how good she was until we went for our first ride together.

This past Wednesday was the day.  Nate didn't go, but we packed up Rachael's bike into the back (it's too small for the rack) and off we went.  Not knowing how well she was able to ride her bike, we decided we had better go on a path that was less traveled and wouldn't result in her careening into a body of water.  Mike decided that Mayowood was the bike path we were going to try first and off we went.  Rachael did fantastic.  She was able to keep up, she had great path etiquette, and was enthusiastic.  Her big fear had been going up hills, but she got past it and was having a grand time. 

Until.... until... well, there was a bridge involved and we all know how bridges go up and come down.  She ended up having to walk her bike to the crest of the bridge and as we were coming back down things were speeding up and all of a sudden I hear her start squealing.  Not a happy squeal, but an, "Oh no!" panicked sort of squeal.  Down the hill and around the corner I see that the trail is about to branch off and I holler to Mike to watch out (he's hearing her squeal too!) and poor Rachael, can't think fast enough continues to go straight squealing all the way.  I can't help it, I realize she's not going to get hurt (it's tall grass) and start giggling.  It was pretty funny!  She in the grass and topples to the side in the tall grass.  I have pictures, not of the actual careening into the grass, but the aftermath:

 But my little trooper got up and started going again.  She wasn't going to let some tall grass get in her way!  BTW, that unicorn helmet?  Her pride and joy!  It cracks me up every time I see it because it's so goofy looking.  She loves it, though, and her 5-year-old friends are all just a wee bit jealous of it!  Gotta love 5-year-olds!

The next day my legs hurt so bad!  I had muscles aching that I didn't realize were there!  Did I let that stop me?  Nope!  Mike and I went on a date last night.  Nathan encouraged it.  I guess I was a little crabby yesterday.  Oops!  We went out for dinner and went on a bike ride.  We were able to go quite a bit faster and further without Little Miss along and it was a blast.  We rode almost 6 miles and I'm realizing that I've missed this!  I've missed getting on my bike and feeling the wind on my face.  We're planning on going to Winona tomorrow after church to take Ty a few things he needs and we're taking the bikes along.  It's going to be fun to discover all the paths around SE Minnesota! 

What have I gotten myself into???

I meant to write about this earlier, but it's been a busy week and I just haven't gotten around to it.  Finally have a few minutes today.  Well, I should be downstairs folding laundry or sweeping and mopping the kitchen floor or... well, you catch my drift!

So, before I wondered off on that little sidetrack, what I was going to write about!  Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook or actually know me in person, probably already know this, but I'm going to retell the story anyway.  You know, the whole "my blog, my rules" thing!

Sheesh.. back on track.  Ok, then.  BLARGH! Back in the beginning of July, my younger sister, Megan called me.  She lives in Miami (yes, Florida.  Much different then Minnesota!) and offered a trip down to visit her toward the end of January as a birthday gift.  Hmm... Florida in January with no kids?  Sounds like a little slice of heaven to me!  Except, she had a proposition (darned lawyers and their propositions... or is that English teachers?) She wanted to know if I would be willing to walk a 1/2 marathon with her.  In Miami and in January.  That's 13.1 miles.  THIRTEEN MILES!  For someone who hasn't been able to walk 2 miles in a long time, that seems like a LONG ways!  Heck.. it IS a long way!

This was before surgery, but I had already lost a significant amount of weight at this point.  Megan told me to think about it and get back to her.  Well, fast forward about 6 weeks.  I can walk about 2 miles comfortable now and still thinking that Miami in January with no kids is so very enticing and after talking about it with Mike and figuring out schedules, we figured out it would work.  I also figured it'd be a good way to keep up with the exercise to help continue the weight loss, so a win-win, right?   I wrote on her Facebook page last Monday night "I'm in".  Tuesday morning by 10 a.m. she had our registrations in and was asking me about flights.  *gulp*  She wasn't giving me any wiggle room to back out of this one!

So.  Yours truly is headed to Miami to WALK the ING Half Marathon on January 27, 2013.  I'm nervous.  I'm a little scared, but I'm pretty excited and I'll probably cry when I finish it.  Thank you, Megan, for the challenge! 

A little of this, a little of that...

I've been thinking I need to update, but just haven't had anything to update about.  It's been a while though so bear with me.. this may become a bit disjointed and rambling, but it's my blog and I can do what I want with it! 

So a bit of an update since it's been almost two weeks since I last wrote anything.  I'm 2 weeks post-op and feeling pretty good.  Have a tender spot on my left, lower side but it's feeling better every day.  Kind of feels like a side-splint when you've been running or walking too much.  Otherwise, everything feels pretty good.  The port is in an awkward spot.  It's positioned right where I lean over a counter on my belly, so it hurts when I lean over something.  Another thing I can't change, just annoying and I'm learning. 

I can tell my innards are healing because my hunger is back!  I'm on "soft" foods now and have to chew everything to a mush, but it sure is nice to be able to chew food again!  Mike and I took Nate and Rachael out to one of our favorite Mexican places yesterday and I asked Rachael if she wanted to order off the "big" menu and share with me.  She was game and we ordered enchiladas. I gave her half and hate about 2/3 of what was left.  Before surgery I would've eaten the whole darned thing and not batted an eye!  It sure tasted good, though.  One thing that I'm really having a hard time with is not drinking anything with my meals and for 1/2 hour after I'm done.  I never realized how much I enjoyed drinking with my meals and I'm thirsty! As for my weight-loss, it has kind of stalled a bit, but I was told that was pretty normal in the weeks between surgery and getting fills.  I just keep chugging along, trying not to step on the scale and getting discouraged. 

Rachael is still asking questions, but she's so sweet.  We were having a conversation in the car the other day and she asked something about eating too much and my band.  It's so hard to explain to a 5-year-old that I had the band so I wouldn't eat too much and to help me lose weight so I can do more things with her.  She asked if she ate too much and I told her she was perfect and she didn't (and she doesn't!) It's such a slippery slope teaching her to be healthy and confident with her body image when it is a huge issue with me.  Explaining that we need to eat food to help our body grow and be able to have the energy to do things and not eat too much so we gain too much weight which is harmful for our body.  To make wise choices with the food that we eat and to keep treats as treats.  I feel blessed that, at 5 1/2, she makes pretty good choices with food.  She likes a variety of vegetables and is open trying new foods.  Now, she loves "the junk" as much as the next kid and would be willing to have fruit snacks for breakfast, but accepts the idea that they are a treat, not something to eat all the time. 

I just am so blessed with a supportive network of people surrounding me.  My husband, my kids, my family and friends.  Mike has this week off between jobs.  He's excited about starting next week at the new place and has been able to slow down a bit and breathe in this week in between.  He went up to Duluth camping over the weekend and came back on Monday afternoon.  I could tell when he walked in the door that a load had been lifted off his shoulders.  Thank you, Jesus.  He went camping with some friends from church including our pastor and his wife.  The rest of us were invited, but I just was not comfortable going being only 10 days post-op and not able to eat much at that point so I opted to stay home with the kids and told him to go with my blessings.  Had a good visit with my parents on Friday with Ty and Rachael and then Saturday, went to a friend's house and had fun at their place.  Sunday, I dropped off Ty at camp and picked up Nate in Cannon Falls.  He had spent the weekend with my brother and his girlfriend.  Monday we hosted the youth group with our study group for dinner and had a great time. 

This week has been nice with Mike home.  Just laid back and relaxed.  Still feels like the weekend!  Sometimes you need a week that feels like a weekend! 

Anyway... I want to start doing some photo-journaling and may try to do more of that.  Everything is better with pictures, right?

So here are a couple from the last week or so.  Enjoy!

 This one cracked me up because my beautiful daughter loves horses and when we flipped to the Olympics and saw the horses she got so excited!  She watched the equestrian events all morning and played on her little stuffed horse.  So here she is, on her horse with the riding events going on in the background!

I can't claim this one. Mike took it while he was camping this past weekend.  It's so tranquil and relaxing, though and I can close my eyes and imagine sitting there soaking in God's majesty.  It was taken on the North Shore of Lake Superior.  God is so good and He spoils us with the beauty He surrounds us with!

Passing it on...

Am I doing my daughter a disservice?  Am I teaching her that you need to lose weight to be accepted?  Am I teaching her healthy habits?

These are all some of the questions that I have struggled with as I have gone down this road towards bariatric surgery.  I winced today as she was playing with some toy and told it that it weighed too much and needed to lose weight.  I know my struggles have left an impact on her little psyche and I don't want this to be something that she worries about at the tender age of 5 1/2. 

Now, to back up some, I know this was something that I needed to do to get myself healthy.  Not only for myself, but for my family.  It is part of my journey that I have been called to go on and I'm ok with that.  My question is, how do I teach her to love herself in the way that God created her when Mommy needed to do something drastic to change herself?  I tell her that she's beautiful and perfect and God created her just the way she is.  She is an active, normal, soon-to-be kindergartener.  She does not have to worry about her weight.  I thank God that none of my kids have had the struggles with weight that I have had my entire life.  To be honest, when I found out that I was having a girl, it was one of my fears.  That she would have these same struggles that I have had.

I don't want her to have them in her head either.  I want her to own her body and not obsess about it.  I want her to know that one of the reasons that I chose to have this surgery was so that I could be around for her as she grows into adulthood and beyond.  I want that for all my children.  I want to be able to be there as they pass the milestones of their lives.  Graduation, college, marriage, children of their own.  I want to celebrate with them, I want to be able to shed tears and cry with them.  I want to watch them become the adults that God desires them to be.

So, when my precious daughter asks me I will tell her.  "Honey, I did this for me and I did this for you.  God did create us in His perfect image, but sometimes we forget that and abuse that.  Thankfully, He also gave us the technology and the ability to change that and I had surgery to help me get back to the person God desires me to be so that I can be there for you as you grow."

I need to remind her that she is also His child and she needs to take care of her body and treat it right.  That includes making healthy choices about what we eat and what we do.  That does not mean we're not allowed to have treats, but that treats are treats for a reason.  Treats are meant to be special and if we have those special things all the time, they are not treats anymore.  

I need to teach her to stand up for herself.  To not let anyone feed her lies.  Friends, classmates, the media, society.  She needs to learn to love herself as God loves her and not to doubt herself.  I'm finding that raising a daughter is so much different then raising boys.  I need to remind myself that her journey is her own, not mine, and I need to let her experience it for herself. 

On the other side!

Sorry for no updates, I was feeling kind of whiny and sorry for myself and didn't want to put that on the blog, so I decided to just stay quiet for a while.  I'd lie if I said that pre-op diet was easy because it was HARD!  Was it worth it?  Yup.  But it was not an easy thing to do and not something I would recommend anyone to do if they didn't have to.  800 calories a day just makes a person crabby!

Here I am on the other side of surgery.  I had surgery two days ago, on Wednesday.  It's always a little strange going in for surgery and I've been fortunate enough not to have to do it too often.  3 c-sections and my gall-bladder out as an adult.  Tonsils and adenoids out as a kid.  I remember walking back to the surgery suite, climbing up onto the table and them putting a mask over my face and then waking up in post-op.  I remember Dr. Chandra coming in and saying it went well and they were able to repair the hernia in my diaphragm and I vaguely remember being wheeled up to my room.  I had a lot of pain in my side at that point and once I was in my room, I remember getting a shot and going to sleep.

When I woke up again, it felt better, not great, but better.  Wednesday afternoon was a bit rough.  Got up a couple of times to walk the halls a bit, sat in my chair and dozed.  Mike left and my parents came up with the kids and we had a nice visit.  Rachael was girl of a million questions and Tyler just wanted to know if I was loopy coming out of anesthesia.  I think he's watched too many YouTubes of people waking up from having dental work done.  I didn't have that kind of anesthesia. Luckily, I don't wake up from anesthesia throwing up like some people do, so that was good!  I've been having to take anti-nausea meds anyway, because throwing up could cause the stitches holding the band in place to rip and the band to slip.  Don't want that to happen!

Came home yesterday afternoon.  Was up and walking quite a bit yesterday because I wanted to come home!  My swallow test was great and am able to drink a bit.  Not a whole lot. Just taking my meds fills me up!  It took me 90 minutes to drink about 12 oz. of chicken broth last night so the band seems to be doing what it is intended to do!

Haven't tried anything today.  I'm just not hungry.  Dr. Chandra said that was fine.  If I'm not hungry, don't eat.  I do need to drink, though and should probably go fill my water bottle and put it next to me as a reminder.  Between the time I checked into the hospital and before I went down for my swallow test, I had gained 6 pounds.  I know it's from all the fluids they pumped into me, but it was still a little disheartening to see the scale up like that.  The life changes really start now.  There is no turning back now!  As sore and tired as I am, I'm excited that this is bringing n a whole new chapter of my life!  I've said in the past that I can't even imagine myself as "thin".  It's never been a part of who I am, but I'm excited to start this new chapter of my life.  I'm excited to see where God is going to lead me and what He is going to mold me into.  I have to be patient, though, and that's a hard thing for me to be.  I need to be careful and follow this diet.  The band isn't a magical device that is going to do miracles, but a tool that I'm going to have to learn to manage and make work for me.  I'm ready though!  I'm ready to move forward and continue with this journey!

So you know I've been drinking four protein shakes a day for the past 10 days and still have about 4 to go.  Boring, boring!  So I thought I'd make it a little more fun for myself today and picture blog it!

 My lunch!  Yum, Yum.... Not only my lunch, but my breakfast, dinner and snack, too!

 And Rachael's lunch.  Mmm... How I miss being able to chew!

 The cast.  I decided on chocolate for lunch.  Sometimes I put in 4-5 oz. of cold press coffee or, if I'm making the vanilla, a couple of shakes of cinnamon to switch it up a bit.  Oh, and my Magic Bullet?  Love it!  Thank you Mike for such a thoughtful Mother's Day gift!

 1 cup of milk into the blender cup...

 1 level scoop of Slimfast High Protein drink powder...

 Now if that doesn't look appetizing, I don't know what would!

 Ice! 

 Yup, I know the ice is sticking up over the top, but it's all good!

 Screw the blender bottom on and put it on the bullet and blend until smoothy!

 Rachael likes her lunch much better.  Who can blame her?

Creamy, chocolately goodness.  I really is not too bad, but is just old after 10 days and 4x/day!

Travel Companions...

Yesterday I went to a Bible Study that I haven't gone to in nearly a year.  They meet on Thursday mornings and when I started my job last fall, it just didn't work for me to make it since I had to be at work before the study would be finished.  Haven't went this summer for a slew of reasons.  They were finishing up a series and then doctor appointments.  It was nice to yesterday.  They're doing a light series about the Andy Griffith show and God's message in the clips from the show.

So after the study, Rachael and I ran around Rochester to get some errands done and to stay busy.  I've found that I don't get a case of the "mad hunger pains" if I'm keeping busy.  We headed down to Shopko because I wanted to wander around and I needed a car freshener in my car.  Walking past the women's section I spotted a really cute pair of jeans.  I've been having to buy my jeans at specialty stores for the last 10 years or so, but on a whim, decided to try them on, not really expecting to be able to button them, but would've been happy if I could get them up over my hips.  My hips are my biggest problem area.  Into the dressing room Rachael and I go and I pull on the jeans. Not only could I get them up over my hips, I was able to button and zip them without having to hold my breath!  Excitedly, I called Mike because I needed to tell SOMEONE!  I get off the phone and pull the jeans off and put on my shorts and hear a "Congratulations!!  You should go to Savers!"  from the next changing room.  I laughed because even though the jeans were super cute, I just couldn't bring myself to spend nearly $30 for something that might fit me a month or two and I had thought that same exact though.. I'm going to Savers!

In the car, after the visit to Shopko, I burst into tears.  Why?  Because I realized that I had just met one of my goals.  Something that I've wanted to do for years that has seemed unattainable and impossible for such a long time.  I was able to go into a mass retailer and fit into a pair of jeans off the rack.  Yes, they're jeans in the plus section.  They're jeans at the very top of the plus section, but it's not something I've been able to do.  Jeans in plus plus sizes are super expensive even on sale and I've always worn my clothes to threads because of it.  You also don't get the assortment that you can get in smaller sizes and I've always wanted to be able to wear the "cute clothes" instead of the huge clothes. Now, I have a LONG way to go, but to know that I'm getting there was so affirming!  My next goal?  Out of the 20's and into the teens!  I want to banish the multiple XX's from my clothing sizes!  

At Savers I was able to get 2 pairs of pants and a pair of exercise shorts for $20!  Score!  I'm so looking forward to spending LESS money on clothes and getting cuter clothes while I'm at it. 

By the time we were done at the Dollar Store, Savers and Aldi's, it was 2:30 and I had a starving girl (well Rachael was hungry, too!) and I told her I'd run her through McDonald's for a Happy Meal.  Uh oh.. McDonalds?  I can't tell you that the thought of getting a snack-sized Fire chicken poppers didn't go through my mind.  I can't tell you that my mouth wasn't watering at the thought of being able to chew something warm and meaty...

Drive-through: "Welcome to McDonald's! Can I take your order?"  
Me: "Girls McNugget Happy Meal, please, with chocolate milk." 
Drive-through: "Would you like anything else with that?"
Me: "....umm.... No, that's all thank you!"
Drive-through: "That'll be $3.75, please pull ahead!"

 I resisted!  I drank the last bit of my Crystal Lite and took Rachael home and had a protein shake!  

A good friend posted this on my Facebook wall yesterday.  It was a good reminder and stayed with me throughout the rest of the day.  Thanks Elaine!  It was exactly what I needed to get through the day.  He was with me when I tried on those pants at Shopko and rejoiced with me, He was with me when I burst into tears in the car because I had met that goal and He was with me when I resisted the temptation at McDonalds.  He is always with me and He will never forsake me.  What a wonderful travel companion we have in Jesus!

He's Always Been Faithful....

Yesterday was a rough day.  Yesterday was one of those days that, 3 months ago,  I would've tossed up my hands, opened the fridge and eaten whatever was available.  I was frustrated and tired. I had gotten some not so good news and was feeling beaten down.  I would've eaten too much not so good stuff because of it.

Not today.  Not now.  I can't do that anymore.  I can't let the devil get to me like that.

It started out pretty good.  Rachael and I took Mike to work as the van was still at the shop and I figures since it was early, we might as well beat the heat and go feed the geese.  I've been stocking up on stale bread and it seemed like a good morning to do it.  It was a lot of fun!

As you can see, she had a good time, too!  I couldn't believe how bold the geese were that they would come up and eat right out of my hand.  I was waiting for them to gang up on Rachael and take her out for the bun!

We came home and the day kind of went downhill a bit. Called the new insurance company to make sure I wouldn't get stuck with the pre-existing condition clause since we will have a lapse of a week with no insurance and found out that it doesn't matter.  The new insurance company won't cover bariatric procedures.  Panic mode set in.  Yes, the surgery and the post-op visit will fall under our current insurance, but there is follow-up.  I'll have to continue meeting with my dietician, I'll have to go in for fills.  Those won't be covered.  So what did my husband say?  "Sarah, you worked too hard to turn back now.  We will make this work."  Tears.. I've been teary off and on all day.  I've been doing research on-line to see what it costs for self-payers and what I'm finding is reassuring.  Breathe, Sarah, breathe.  We can do this.  It's gonna be alright.

Had my appointment with my surgeon shortly after that.  It went well.  I'm down below my target weight for him to do the surgery so he was pleased with that.  Told me to continue with the liquid diet and continue to drop the weight.  I'm a week in.  Not going to stop now!

Then after my appointment with him, I went and had iced tea with a dear, dear friend.  We talked about life, we talked about kids, we talked about families.  We talked about church and how God brings good out of bad.  And He always has.

Sara Groves sings a song about it.  She actually sings a lot of songs that resonate deeply with me and more than one time I have found myself dissolving into tears while driving and listening to one of her albums.  This one has been going through my mind today:

He's Always Been Faithful

~Sara Groves~

Great is thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me

Morning by morning I wake up to find
The power and comfort of God’s hand in mine
Season by season I watch Him, amazed
In awe of the mystery of His perfect ways
All I’m in need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me

I can’t remember a trial or a pain
He did not recycle to bring me gain
I can’t remember one single regret
In serving God only, and trusting His hand
All I’m in need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful to me

This is my anthem, this is my song
The theme of the stories I’ve heard for so long
God has been faithful, He will be again
His loving compassion, it knows no end
All I’m in need of, His hand will provide
He’s always been faithful, He’s always been faithful
He’s always been faithful to me 

Great song and a good reminder. He's always been faithful to me.  He will continue to be faithful.  It is a promise that He has made to us.  It's easy to focus on the negatives in our lives and Mike and I have been bombarded with a lot of those in the past couple of years, but we've also been so blessed.  We have each other, we have a good roof over our heads (even if we do need to replace the shingles!), we have great kids who are healthy, we have enough money to cover our needs, we have good friends.. I can go on and on!  God has been faithful.  He has blessed us with His gifts and the verse from the song that says, "I can’t remember a trial or a pain, He did not recycle to bring me gain" is so very true and evident in my life.