Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Not my plans for the weekend!
I don't know how many of you know me from Facebook, but I've noticed that I've gotten a few more followers and sorry to say, I don't recognize all the names. I feel so blessed that you have chosen to read my blog for whatever reason. I do this both so that I can have an outlet and I pray that I can be an inspiration to those who read it. I've said from the beginning, if I can do it, anyone can. I'm just an ordinary woman trying to live a life in God's grace.
This past weekend was an absolutely beautiful weekend in Southeastern Minnesota. Highs in the low 70's, clear blue skies. One of those weekends where you just want to squeeze every ounce out. Once of those weekends where you want to stay out as long as you can because you can smell Fall on the horizon and know that there are not going to be too many of these types of weekends left before snow starts to fly. We had plans. I had a meeting in Albert Lea that was supposed to be all day on Saturday and Mike was going to take Nate and Rachael with a friend back to New Ulm to bring a U-Haul truck back with the rest of the furniture from his dad's house so that we can be ready to close at the end of the month. Sunday we were hoping to go on a long bike ride and enjoy the day before school started for Rachael on Monday. Good plans right? Not His plans!
Friday morning I went about the morning. Worked on budget stuff (which I hate, HATE doing, but it needs to be done, right?) and about 12:30 went to make some lunch for Rachael and I. As I was standing at the counter I felt a sharp, twingy pain shoot through the right side of my lower back. I remember thinking it was strange and tried to stretch it out a bit. Wondered what I had done to pull a muscle. Finished making lunch and sat down to eat and got one bite and the sharp twinge turned into a shooting stab that took my breath away. It hurt to sit, it hurt to stand, it hurt to pace. I went and laid on my tummy on the couch hoping it would go away. Laid there for about 30 minutes and it faded a bit. Sat down at the table again and finished my lunch and it hit me again. I went to the bathroom and lost my lunch and grabbed the heating pad. Back to the couch I went again and texted my husband to tell him I wasn't going to be able to get to the store like I had planned.
This time, it didn't get better. I was moaning and crying. I just couldn't help myself. The dog was freaking out, my 5-year-old was kicking into "mommy"-mode and as much as I hate to admit it... I wasn't being patient and I wasn't being helpful. I'm sure she was scared because I knew I was. It kept getting worse and I finally went to the computer and texted my husband because he wasn't answering his phone. He's been incredibly busy and this doesn't surprise me. Being that he works on a computer all day, I knew he'd get the message. I simply wrote, "I need you to come home and take me to the hospital." He was home within 1/2 hour.
In the ER, it was taking everything I had to hold myself together and not make a lot of noise. Mike was trying to distract Rachael as I sat on the edge of my chair rocking and quietly moaning. It was a busy afternoon at the Olmsted Hospital Emergency Room, but they got me back within 1/2 hour and hooked up to an IV with pain meds shortly after that. Went back for a CT scan and suspicions were confirmed. I had a kidney stone. I got back to my area in the ER and the doctor came in to talk to me. He said that he could send me home to manage the pain there (it wasn't being managed at this point) or they could admit me. I told him he was the doctor, what would he suggest. He suggested staying overnight until pain control could be established. So Friday night, I was admitted to the hospital.
Now, it's interesting. I have heard that kidney stones are one of the most painful things that a person can have happen. I certainly know that they are the most painful thing I have had happen to me. The pain never did become completely manageable. I was on high doses of Fentanyl hourly. 100 mcg/shot and that only dulled the pain to a 3-4. All night Friday, they were giving me shots in the IV hourly. I didn't sleep, I'm sure those in the rooms around me didn't sleep. I felt like a wimp. I felt defeated. Saturday morning, they gave me a pump so that I could self-administer the Fentanyl. This helped! 10 mcg every 5 minutes as needed between oral doses of oxycodone seemed to be making it manageable. Unfortunately, they can't send you home with a PCA pump so another night at the hospital it was.
My biggest fear was going to sleep and to wake up in agony because you can't push the pump when you're sleeping. I was assured it would be ok and finally drifted off to sleep at about 8:30. Around 10 p.m. I woke up. It's funny when you wake up in that kind of situation because your brain immediately does an assessment. "Ok. In the hospital. How am I feeling.... Oh yeah, there's' pain. How bad is it? Oh.. not good!" I started pounding on my pump and hitting the nurse call button for help. Unfortunately, 10 mcg every 5 minutes doesn't put a dent in the pain and was not due for my oxycodone for another 45 minutes. I was told until they could get a hold of the doctor on call, there is nothing that could be done.
So what do I do? I'm curled up in the fetal position crying and moaning and I hear a small, quiet voice in my head.... "Call on me. I am strong enough. I can handle this. Give it to me."
So that is what I did. "Jesus help me. God take this from me. Help me through this. Give me strength. I give this to you. You are strong enough. I can't do this without you." became my mantra. Over and over again. Maybe not those exact words, but pretty close. While He didn't take my pain from me, somehow, time seemed to go faster and it did get more bearable. I wish I could say it was the only time it happened, but it wasn't. I was in the hospital until Monday morning when I finally passed that little devil of a stone and the pain was never completely under control. I think this happened at least three more times, maybe four, but I found that when I called on Jesus, the time went faster and it was easier to handle the pain.
Jesus was my Rock. I could feel His arms around me as I sat and moaned and rocked back and forth. He was my Comforter. The funny thing is, is that He wants to be all these things when times are good, too! He wants to rejoice with us as well as cry with us. He wants dance with us as well as lay down with us. He wants to be our confidante. He wants to be our Friend. How easy it is to call upon us when things aren't going so well, but then to turn around and forget when things are going our way.
Take a moment. Take a moment and thank Him for all that you have. Thank Him for the little things. The things you take for granted. Thank you for the things that trouble you. Thank Him for everything because without Him, we would have nothing.
So as strange as it might sound, I thank him for the pain I had over the weekend as well as the soreness and tenderness that I have as I recover because it reminds me that I have life! It reminds me that I do have so many things to be thankful for. Thank you, Jesus, for it all.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Peace or band-aids?
Sometimes a Bible verse touches you in ways you don't expect. This morning, Mike and I were doing our devotion and the verse was "They dress the wound of my people as though it were not serious. “Peace, peace,” they say, when there is no peace." (Jeremiah 8:11) and tears started welling in my eyes, because I understand. This has happened to me and, unfortunately, I have done it to others.
People who are hurting deeply know when they're being placated. Patting someone on the back with a, "There, there, it's going to be alright." because it makes you feel better isn't helping that person experiencing pain. Yes, it is going to be alright. With God's help, everything will be alright, but that pain, that hurt, and eventually, that scar are all real and they ache.
I remember back when we were hurting so badly because it felt as though we'd been tossed out by our ear by the church we so loved we got lots of cards and a few flowers. Because it was so sudden and quietly done, people didn't know what to do. While we appreciated the sentiments, what meant the most was the few people that walked alongside us. Those that lifted us up and let us lean on them for support. Those that lifted us up in prayer and prayed with us. We were broken, shattered and limping. We are still healing and sometimes, when it feels as though it's all better, a little reminder comes along to remind you of the scar that remains.
Some wounds are serious. Some wounds require more then a band-aid and pat on the back. Some wounds have cut so deep that it takes a Healer to mend them. They take time and they take love and they take forgiveness. They take Jesus. Proverbs 3:5-6 says it well, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths."
Some versions say, "he will make your paths straight." but I tend to like the "direct your paths." because the path is not always straight. It's not always even. There is going to be stumbling blocks and side tracks, but He will direct it. God will show you the path, He will put people in your path that will help you on your journey, but you need to trust Him instead of yourself. I know the times that I've tried to rely on myself are the times I've been led down the wrong path. You have to have trust in the Lord. Do you trust Him? Are you willing to let Him direct your path? Are you willing to let Him heal your heart? It's not an easy choice. It's not a choice that normally goes along with societal norms, but it us one that has great satisfaction. When I have trusted God, I have known rest and peace. It's a path that leads to restoration instead of band-aids.
People who are hurting deeply know when they're being placated. Patting someone on the back with a, "There, there, it's going to be alright." because it makes you feel better isn't helping that person experiencing pain. Yes, it is going to be alright. With God's help, everything will be alright, but that pain, that hurt, and eventually, that scar are all real and they ache.
I remember back when we were hurting so badly because it felt as though we'd been tossed out by our ear by the church we so loved we got lots of cards and a few flowers. Because it was so sudden and quietly done, people didn't know what to do. While we appreciated the sentiments, what meant the most was the few people that walked alongside us. Those that lifted us up and let us lean on them for support. Those that lifted us up in prayer and prayed with us. We were broken, shattered and limping. We are still healing and sometimes, when it feels as though it's all better, a little reminder comes along to remind you of the scar that remains.
Some wounds are serious. Some wounds require more then a band-aid and pat on the back. Some wounds have cut so deep that it takes a Healer to mend them. They take time and they take love and they take forgiveness. They take Jesus. Proverbs 3:5-6 says it well, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will direct your paths."
Some versions say, "he will make your paths straight." but I tend to like the "direct your paths." because the path is not always straight. It's not always even. There is going to be stumbling blocks and side tracks, but He will direct it. God will show you the path, He will put people in your path that will help you on your journey, but you need to trust Him instead of yourself. I know the times that I've tried to rely on myself are the times I've been led down the wrong path. You have to have trust in the Lord. Do you trust Him? Are you willing to let Him direct your path? Are you willing to let Him heal your heart? It's not an easy choice. It's not a choice that normally goes along with societal norms, but it us one that has great satisfaction. When I have trusted God, I have known rest and peace. It's a path that leads to restoration instead of band-aids.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
I want to ride my bicycle...
Like most people, I've grown up knowing how to ride a bicycle. I don't even remember when I learned, that memory is gone, but, as a child, one of my best memories is going on bike rides after dinner with my dad. We would bike all over. Through the neighborhood, around the lakes, everywhere. In the summer, it would be multiple times a week that we would go on a bike ride. As I got older, my bike was my main form of transportation for 3 seasons out of the year. It was nothing for me to get on my bike and go across town to visit a friend or to pack a lunch and take off for the day to wherever my bicycle would take me. I had baskets over my rear wheels and a little dog who used to love to go on bike rides with me. I'd line the basket with a towel or blanket and Sassy would go for a ride. The looks we would get cruising around town! Of course, this was the same dog that used to love to go to the park and go down slides! She was an awesome dog!
So I digress. After I went to college and got married, my bike got dusty. My family grew and my bike sat neglected. When we bought our first house, I got a new bike with the best intentions to start riding again. I even got one of those little trailers for Nathan, but I don't think we made it further then around our little neighborhood. The bike sat in the rafters for years and years until this past summer.
In the past month, I decided I wanted to start riding again. Mike had started riding his bike again, we had just bought Nate a new bike (he had outgrown his) and Rachael was learning how to ride hers. It was time. Down came the bike and we looked it over. After hanging in the rafters for more years than I care to remember, we realized that it needed some TLC and off it went to Erik's Bike Shop. It cost nearly as much as the bicycle to get it ready to ride, but it was ready. Then, I realized I needed a helmet. I suppose if we require our children to wear a helmet, I needed one too, right? Bought a stylin' helmet, got a rack for the vehicles, and got the old hitches (that were rusted in!) out of the receivers. (Ask Nate about his THOR hammer!) Nathan, the great big brother that he is, took it upon himself to get his sister riding without her training wheels and did a fantastic job. We didn't realize how good she was until we went for our first ride together.
This past Wednesday was the day. Nate didn't go, but we packed up Rachael's bike into the back (it's too small for the rack) and off we went. Not knowing how well she was able to ride her bike, we decided we had better go on a path that was less traveled and wouldn't result in her careening into a body of water. Mike decided that Mayowood was the bike path we were going to try first and off we went. Rachael did fantastic. She was able to keep up, she had great path etiquette, and was enthusiastic. Her big fear had been going up hills, but she got past it and was having a grand time.
Until.... until... well, there was a bridge involved and we all know how bridges go up and come down. She ended up having to walk her bike to the crest of the bridge and as we were coming back down things were speeding up and all of a sudden I hear her start squealing. Not a happy squeal, but an, "Oh no!" panicked sort of squeal. Down the hill and around the corner I see that the trail is about to branch off and I holler to Mike to watch out (he's hearing her squeal too!) and poor Rachael, can't think fast enough continues to go straight squealing all the way. I can't help it, I realize she's not going to get hurt (it's tall grass) and start giggling. It was pretty funny! She in the grass and topples to the side in the tall grass. I have pictures, not of the actual careening into the grass, but the aftermath:
But my little trooper got up and started going again. She wasn't going to let some tall grass get in her way! BTW, that unicorn helmet? Her pride and joy! It cracks me up every time I see it because it's so goofy looking. She loves it, though, and her 5-year-old friends are all just a wee bit jealous of it! Gotta love 5-year-olds!
The next day my legs hurt so bad! I had muscles aching that I didn't realize were there! Did I let that stop me? Nope! Mike and I went on a date last night. Nathan encouraged it. I guess I was a little crabby yesterday. Oops! We went out for dinner and went on a bike ride. We were able to go quite a bit faster and further without Little Miss along and it was a blast. We rode almost 6 miles and I'm realizing that I've missed this! I've missed getting on my bike and feeling the wind on my face. We're planning on going to Winona tomorrow after church to take Ty a few things he needs and we're taking the bikes along. It's going to be fun to discover all the paths around SE Minnesota!
So I digress. After I went to college and got married, my bike got dusty. My family grew and my bike sat neglected. When we bought our first house, I got a new bike with the best intentions to start riding again. I even got one of those little trailers for Nathan, but I don't think we made it further then around our little neighborhood. The bike sat in the rafters for years and years until this past summer.
In the past month, I decided I wanted to start riding again. Mike had started riding his bike again, we had just bought Nate a new bike (he had outgrown his) and Rachael was learning how to ride hers. It was time. Down came the bike and we looked it over. After hanging in the rafters for more years than I care to remember, we realized that it needed some TLC and off it went to Erik's Bike Shop. It cost nearly as much as the bicycle to get it ready to ride, but it was ready. Then, I realized I needed a helmet. I suppose if we require our children to wear a helmet, I needed one too, right? Bought a stylin' helmet, got a rack for the vehicles, and got the old hitches (that were rusted in!) out of the receivers. (Ask Nate about his THOR hammer!) Nathan, the great big brother that he is, took it upon himself to get his sister riding without her training wheels and did a fantastic job. We didn't realize how good she was until we went for our first ride together.
This past Wednesday was the day. Nate didn't go, but we packed up Rachael's bike into the back (it's too small for the rack) and off we went. Not knowing how well she was able to ride her bike, we decided we had better go on a path that was less traveled and wouldn't result in her careening into a body of water. Mike decided that Mayowood was the bike path we were going to try first and off we went. Rachael did fantastic. She was able to keep up, she had great path etiquette, and was enthusiastic. Her big fear had been going up hills, but she got past it and was having a grand time.
Until.... until... well, there was a bridge involved and we all know how bridges go up and come down. She ended up having to walk her bike to the crest of the bridge and as we were coming back down things were speeding up and all of a sudden I hear her start squealing. Not a happy squeal, but an, "Oh no!" panicked sort of squeal. Down the hill and around the corner I see that the trail is about to branch off and I holler to Mike to watch out (he's hearing her squeal too!) and poor Rachael, can't think fast enough continues to go straight squealing all the way. I can't help it, I realize she's not going to get hurt (it's tall grass) and start giggling. It was pretty funny! She in the grass and topples to the side in the tall grass. I have pictures, not of the actual careening into the grass, but the aftermath:
Sunday, August 19, 2012
What have I gotten myself into???
I meant to write about this earlier, but it's been a busy week and I just haven't gotten around to it. Finally have a few minutes today. Well, I should be downstairs folding laundry or sweeping and mopping the kitchen floor or... well, you catch my drift!
So, before I wondered off on that little sidetrack, what I was going to write about! Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook or actually know me in person, probably already know this, but I'm going to retell the story anyway. You know, the whole "my blog, my rules" thing!
Sheesh.. back on track. Ok, then. BLARGH! Back in the beginning of July, my younger sister, Megan called me. She lives in Miami (yes, Florida. Much different then Minnesota!) and offered a trip down to visit her toward the end of January as a birthday gift. Hmm... Florida in January with no kids? Sounds like a little slice of heaven to me! Except, she had a proposition (darned lawyers and their propositions... or is that English teachers?) She wanted to know if I would be willing to walk a 1/2 marathon with her. In Miami and in January. That's 13.1 miles. THIRTEEN MILES! For someone who hasn't been able to walk 2 miles in a long time, that seems like a LONG ways! Heck.. it IS a long way!
This was before surgery, but I had already lost a significant amount of weight at this point. Megan told me to think about it and get back to her. Well, fast forward about 6 weeks. I can walk about 2 miles comfortable now and still thinking that Miami in January with no kids is so very enticing and after talking about it with Mike and figuring out schedules, we figured out it would work. I also figured it'd be a good way to keep up with the exercise to help continue the weight loss, so a win-win, right? I wrote on her Facebook page last Monday night "I'm in". Tuesday morning by 10 a.m. she had our registrations in and was asking me about flights. *gulp* She wasn't giving me any wiggle room to back out of this one!
So. Yours truly is headed to Miami to WALK the ING Half Marathon on January 27, 2013. I'm nervous. I'm a little scared, but I'm pretty excited and I'll probably cry when I finish it. Thank you, Megan, for the challenge!
So, before I wondered off on that little sidetrack, what I was going to write about! Those of you who are friends with me on Facebook or actually know me in person, probably already know this, but I'm going to retell the story anyway. You know, the whole "my blog, my rules" thing!
Sheesh.. back on track. Ok, then. BLARGH! Back in the beginning of July, my younger sister, Megan called me. She lives in Miami (yes, Florida. Much different then Minnesota!) and offered a trip down to visit her toward the end of January as a birthday gift. Hmm... Florida in January with no kids? Sounds like a little slice of heaven to me! Except, she had a proposition (darned lawyers and their propositions... or is that English teachers?) She wanted to know if I would be willing to walk a 1/2 marathon with her. In Miami and in January. That's 13.1 miles. THIRTEEN MILES! For someone who hasn't been able to walk 2 miles in a long time, that seems like a LONG ways! Heck.. it IS a long way!
This was before surgery, but I had already lost a significant amount of weight at this point. Megan told me to think about it and get back to her. Well, fast forward about 6 weeks. I can walk about 2 miles comfortable now and still thinking that Miami in January with no kids is so very enticing and after talking about it with Mike and figuring out schedules, we figured out it would work. I also figured it'd be a good way to keep up with the exercise to help continue the weight loss, so a win-win, right? I wrote on her Facebook page last Monday night "I'm in". Tuesday morning by 10 a.m. she had our registrations in and was asking me about flights. *gulp* She wasn't giving me any wiggle room to back out of this one!
So. Yours truly is headed to Miami to WALK the ING Half Marathon on January 27, 2013. I'm nervous. I'm a little scared, but I'm pretty excited and I'll probably cry when I finish it. Thank you, Megan, for the challenge!
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
A little of this, a little of that...
I've been thinking I need to update, but just haven't had anything to update about. It's been a while though so bear with me.. this may become a bit disjointed and rambling, but it's my blog and I can do what I want with it!
So a bit of an update since it's been almost two weeks since I last wrote anything. I'm 2 weeks post-op and feeling pretty good. Have a tender spot on my left, lower side but it's feeling better every day. Kind of feels like a side-splint when you've been running or walking too much. Otherwise, everything feels pretty good. The port is in an awkward spot. It's positioned right where I lean over a counter on my belly, so it hurts when I lean over something. Another thing I can't change, just annoying and I'm learning.
I can tell my innards are healing because my hunger is back! I'm on "soft" foods now and have to chew everything to a mush, but it sure is nice to be able to chew food again! Mike and I took Nate and Rachael out to one of our favorite Mexican places yesterday and I asked Rachael if she wanted to order off the "big" menu and share with me. She was game and we ordered enchiladas. I gave her half and hate about 2/3 of what was left. Before surgery I would've eaten the whole darned thing and not batted an eye! It sure tasted good, though. One thing that I'm really having a hard time with is not drinking anything with my meals and for 1/2 hour after I'm done. I never realized how much I enjoyed drinking with my meals and I'm thirsty! As for my weight-loss, it has kind of stalled a bit, but I was told that was pretty normal in the weeks between surgery and getting fills. I just keep chugging along, trying not to step on the scale and getting discouraged.
Rachael is still asking questions, but she's so sweet. We were having a conversation in the car the other day and she asked something about eating too much and my band. It's so hard to explain to a 5-year-old that I had the band so I wouldn't eat too much and to help me lose weight so I can do more things with her. She asked if she ate too much and I told her she was perfect and she didn't (and she doesn't!) It's such a slippery slope teaching her to be healthy and confident with her body image when it is a huge issue with me. Explaining that we need to eat food to help our body grow and be able to have the energy to do things and not eat too much so we gain too much weight which is harmful for our body. To make wise choices with the food that we eat and to keep treats as treats. I feel blessed that, at 5 1/2, she makes pretty good choices with food. She likes a variety of vegetables and is open trying new foods. Now, she loves "the junk" as much as the next kid and would be willing to have fruit snacks for breakfast, but accepts the idea that they are a treat, not something to eat all the time.
I just am so blessed with a supportive network of people surrounding me. My husband, my kids, my family and friends. Mike has this week off between jobs. He's excited about starting next week at the new place and has been able to slow down a bit and breathe in this week in between. He went up to Duluth camping over the weekend and came back on Monday afternoon. I could tell when he walked in the door that a load had been lifted off his shoulders. Thank you, Jesus. He went camping with some friends from church including our pastor and his wife. The rest of us were invited, but I just was not comfortable going being only 10 days post-op and not able to eat much at that point so I opted to stay home with the kids and told him to go with my blessings. Had a good visit with my parents on Friday with Ty and Rachael and then Saturday, went to a friend's house and had fun at their place. Sunday, I dropped off Ty at camp and picked up Nate in Cannon Falls. He had spent the weekend with my brother and his girlfriend. Monday we hosted the youth group with our study group for dinner and had a great time.
This week has been nice with Mike home. Just laid back and relaxed. Still feels like the weekend! Sometimes you need a week that feels like a weekend!
Anyway... I want to start doing some photo-journaling and may try to do more of that. Everything is better with pictures, right?
So here are a couple from the last week or so. Enjoy!
This one cracked me up because my beautiful daughter loves horses and when we flipped to the Olympics and saw the horses she got so excited! She watched the equestrian events all morning and played on her little stuffed horse. So here she is, on her horse with the riding events going on in the background!
I can't claim this one. Mike took it while he was camping this past weekend. It's so tranquil and relaxing, though and I can close my eyes and imagine sitting there soaking in God's majesty. It was taken on the North Shore of Lake Superior. God is so good and He spoils us with the beauty He surrounds us with!
So a bit of an update since it's been almost two weeks since I last wrote anything. I'm 2 weeks post-op and feeling pretty good. Have a tender spot on my left, lower side but it's feeling better every day. Kind of feels like a side-splint when you've been running or walking too much. Otherwise, everything feels pretty good. The port is in an awkward spot. It's positioned right where I lean over a counter on my belly, so it hurts when I lean over something. Another thing I can't change, just annoying and I'm learning.
I can tell my innards are healing because my hunger is back! I'm on "soft" foods now and have to chew everything to a mush, but it sure is nice to be able to chew food again! Mike and I took Nate and Rachael out to one of our favorite Mexican places yesterday and I asked Rachael if she wanted to order off the "big" menu and share with me. She was game and we ordered enchiladas. I gave her half and hate about 2/3 of what was left. Before surgery I would've eaten the whole darned thing and not batted an eye! It sure tasted good, though. One thing that I'm really having a hard time with is not drinking anything with my meals and for 1/2 hour after I'm done. I never realized how much I enjoyed drinking with my meals and I'm thirsty! As for my weight-loss, it has kind of stalled a bit, but I was told that was pretty normal in the weeks between surgery and getting fills. I just keep chugging along, trying not to step on the scale and getting discouraged.
Rachael is still asking questions, but she's so sweet. We were having a conversation in the car the other day and she asked something about eating too much and my band. It's so hard to explain to a 5-year-old that I had the band so I wouldn't eat too much and to help me lose weight so I can do more things with her. She asked if she ate too much and I told her she was perfect and she didn't (and she doesn't!) It's such a slippery slope teaching her to be healthy and confident with her body image when it is a huge issue with me. Explaining that we need to eat food to help our body grow and be able to have the energy to do things and not eat too much so we gain too much weight which is harmful for our body. To make wise choices with the food that we eat and to keep treats as treats. I feel blessed that, at 5 1/2, she makes pretty good choices with food. She likes a variety of vegetables and is open trying new foods. Now, she loves "the junk" as much as the next kid and would be willing to have fruit snacks for breakfast, but accepts the idea that they are a treat, not something to eat all the time.
I just am so blessed with a supportive network of people surrounding me. My husband, my kids, my family and friends. Mike has this week off between jobs. He's excited about starting next week at the new place and has been able to slow down a bit and breathe in this week in between. He went up to Duluth camping over the weekend and came back on Monday afternoon. I could tell when he walked in the door that a load had been lifted off his shoulders. Thank you, Jesus. He went camping with some friends from church including our pastor and his wife. The rest of us were invited, but I just was not comfortable going being only 10 days post-op and not able to eat much at that point so I opted to stay home with the kids and told him to go with my blessings. Had a good visit with my parents on Friday with Ty and Rachael and then Saturday, went to a friend's house and had fun at their place. Sunday, I dropped off Ty at camp and picked up Nate in Cannon Falls. He had spent the weekend with my brother and his girlfriend. Monday we hosted the youth group with our study group for dinner and had a great time.
This week has been nice with Mike home. Just laid back and relaxed. Still feels like the weekend! Sometimes you need a week that feels like a weekend!
Anyway... I want to start doing some photo-journaling and may try to do more of that. Everything is better with pictures, right?
So here are a couple from the last week or so. Enjoy!
Friday, July 27, 2012
Passing it on...
Am I doing my daughter a disservice? Am I teaching her that you need to lose weight to be accepted? Am I teaching her healthy habits?
These are all some of the questions that I have struggled with as I have gone down this road towards bariatric surgery. I winced today as she was playing with some toy and told it that it weighed too much and needed to lose weight. I know my struggles have left an impact on her little psyche and I don't want this to be something that she worries about at the tender age of 5 1/2.
Now, to back up some, I know this was something that I needed to do to get myself healthy. Not only for myself, but for my family. It is part of my journey that I have been called to go on and I'm ok with that. My question is, how do I teach her to love herself in the way that God created her when Mommy needed to do something drastic to change herself? I tell her that she's beautiful and perfect and God created her just the way she is. She is an active, normal, soon-to-be kindergartener. She does not have to worry about her weight. I thank God that none of my kids have had the struggles with weight that I have had my entire life. To be honest, when I found out that I was having a girl, it was one of my fears. That she would have these same struggles that I have had.
I don't want her to have them in her head either. I want her to own her body and not obsess about it. I want her to know that one of the reasons that I chose to have this surgery was so that I could be around for her as she grows into adulthood and beyond. I want that for all my children. I want to be able to be there as they pass the milestones of their lives. Graduation, college, marriage, children of their own. I want to celebrate with them, I want to be able to shed tears and cry with them. I want to watch them become the adults that God desires them to be.
So, when my precious daughter asks me I will tell her. "Honey, I did this for me and I did this for you. God did create us in His perfect image, but sometimes we forget that and abuse that. Thankfully, He also gave us the technology and the ability to change that and I had surgery to help me get back to the person God desires me to be so that I can be there for you as you grow."
I need to remind her that she is also His child and she needs to take care of her body and treat it right. That includes making healthy choices about what we eat and what we do. That does not mean we're not allowed to have treats, but that treats are treats for a reason. Treats are meant to be special and if we have those special things all the time, they are not treats anymore.
I need to teach her to stand up for herself. To not let anyone feed her lies. Friends, classmates, the media, society. She needs to learn to love herself as God loves her and not to doubt herself. I'm finding that raising a daughter is so much different then raising boys. I need to remind myself that her journey is her own, not mine, and I need to let her experience it for herself.
These are all some of the questions that I have struggled with as I have gone down this road towards bariatric surgery. I winced today as she was playing with some toy and told it that it weighed too much and needed to lose weight. I know my struggles have left an impact on her little psyche and I don't want this to be something that she worries about at the tender age of 5 1/2.
Now, to back up some, I know this was something that I needed to do to get myself healthy. Not only for myself, but for my family. It is part of my journey that I have been called to go on and I'm ok with that. My question is, how do I teach her to love herself in the way that God created her when Mommy needed to do something drastic to change herself? I tell her that she's beautiful and perfect and God created her just the way she is. She is an active, normal, soon-to-be kindergartener. She does not have to worry about her weight. I thank God that none of my kids have had the struggles with weight that I have had my entire life. To be honest, when I found out that I was having a girl, it was one of my fears. That she would have these same struggles that I have had.
I don't want her to have them in her head either. I want her to own her body and not obsess about it. I want her to know that one of the reasons that I chose to have this surgery was so that I could be around for her as she grows into adulthood and beyond. I want that for all my children. I want to be able to be there as they pass the milestones of their lives. Graduation, college, marriage, children of their own. I want to celebrate with them, I want to be able to shed tears and cry with them. I want to watch them become the adults that God desires them to be.
So, when my precious daughter asks me I will tell her. "Honey, I did this for me and I did this for you. God did create us in His perfect image, but sometimes we forget that and abuse that. Thankfully, He also gave us the technology and the ability to change that and I had surgery to help me get back to the person God desires me to be so that I can be there for you as you grow."
I need to remind her that she is also His child and she needs to take care of her body and treat it right. That includes making healthy choices about what we eat and what we do. That does not mean we're not allowed to have treats, but that treats are treats for a reason. Treats are meant to be special and if we have those special things all the time, they are not treats anymore.
I need to teach her to stand up for herself. To not let anyone feed her lies. Friends, classmates, the media, society. She needs to learn to love herself as God loves her and not to doubt herself. I'm finding that raising a daughter is so much different then raising boys. I need to remind myself that her journey is her own, not mine, and I need to let her experience it for herself.
On the other side!
Sorry for no updates, I was feeling kind of whiny and sorry for myself and didn't want to put that on the blog, so I decided to just stay quiet for a while. I'd lie if I said that pre-op diet was easy because it was HARD! Was it worth it? Yup. But it was not an easy thing to do and not something I would recommend anyone to do if they didn't have to. 800 calories a day just makes a person crabby!
Here I am on the other side of surgery. I had surgery two days ago, on Wednesday. It's always a little strange going in for surgery and I've been fortunate enough not to have to do it too often. 3 c-sections and my gall-bladder out as an adult. Tonsils and adenoids out as a kid. I remember walking back to the surgery suite, climbing up onto the table and them putting a mask over my face and then waking up in post-op. I remember Dr. Chandra coming in and saying it went well and they were able to repair the hernia in my diaphragm and I vaguely remember being wheeled up to my room. I had a lot of pain in my side at that point and once I was in my room, I remember getting a shot and going to sleep.
When I woke up again, it felt better, not great, but better. Wednesday afternoon was a bit rough. Got up a couple of times to walk the halls a bit, sat in my chair and dozed. Mike left and my parents came up with the kids and we had a nice visit. Rachael was girl of a million questions and Tyler just wanted to know if I was loopy coming out of anesthesia. I think he's watched too many YouTubes of people waking up from having dental work done. I didn't have that kind of anesthesia. Luckily, I don't wake up from anesthesia throwing up like some people do, so that was good! I've been having to take anti-nausea meds anyway, because throwing up could cause the stitches holding the band in place to rip and the band to slip. Don't want that to happen!
Came home yesterday afternoon. Was up and walking quite a bit yesterday because I wanted to come home! My swallow test was great and am able to drink a bit. Not a whole lot. Just taking my meds fills me up! It took me 90 minutes to drink about 12 oz. of chicken broth last night so the band seems to be doing what it is intended to do!
Haven't tried anything today. I'm just not hungry. Dr. Chandra said that was fine. If I'm not hungry, don't eat. I do need to drink, though and should probably go fill my water bottle and put it next to me as a reminder. Between the time I checked into the hospital and before I went down for my swallow test, I had gained 6 pounds. I know it's from all the fluids they pumped into me, but it was still a little disheartening to see the scale up like that. The life changes really start now. There is no turning back now! As sore and tired as I am, I'm excited that this is bringing n a whole new chapter of my life! I've said in the past that I can't even imagine myself as "thin". It's never been a part of who I am, but I'm excited to start this new chapter of my life. I'm excited to see where God is going to lead me and what He is going to mold me into. I have to be patient, though, and that's a hard thing for me to be. I need to be careful and follow this diet. The band isn't a magical device that is going to do miracles, but a tool that I'm going to have to learn to manage and make work for me. I'm ready though! I'm ready to move forward and continue with this journey!
Here I am on the other side of surgery. I had surgery two days ago, on Wednesday. It's always a little strange going in for surgery and I've been fortunate enough not to have to do it too often. 3 c-sections and my gall-bladder out as an adult. Tonsils and adenoids out as a kid. I remember walking back to the surgery suite, climbing up onto the table and them putting a mask over my face and then waking up in post-op. I remember Dr. Chandra coming in and saying it went well and they were able to repair the hernia in my diaphragm and I vaguely remember being wheeled up to my room. I had a lot of pain in my side at that point and once I was in my room, I remember getting a shot and going to sleep.
When I woke up again, it felt better, not great, but better. Wednesday afternoon was a bit rough. Got up a couple of times to walk the halls a bit, sat in my chair and dozed. Mike left and my parents came up with the kids and we had a nice visit. Rachael was girl of a million questions and Tyler just wanted to know if I was loopy coming out of anesthesia. I think he's watched too many YouTubes of people waking up from having dental work done. I didn't have that kind of anesthesia. Luckily, I don't wake up from anesthesia throwing up like some people do, so that was good! I've been having to take anti-nausea meds anyway, because throwing up could cause the stitches holding the band in place to rip and the band to slip. Don't want that to happen!
Came home yesterday afternoon. Was up and walking quite a bit yesterday because I wanted to come home! My swallow test was great and am able to drink a bit. Not a whole lot. Just taking my meds fills me up! It took me 90 minutes to drink about 12 oz. of chicken broth last night so the band seems to be doing what it is intended to do!
Haven't tried anything today. I'm just not hungry. Dr. Chandra said that was fine. If I'm not hungry, don't eat. I do need to drink, though and should probably go fill my water bottle and put it next to me as a reminder. Between the time I checked into the hospital and before I went down for my swallow test, I had gained 6 pounds. I know it's from all the fluids they pumped into me, but it was still a little disheartening to see the scale up like that. The life changes really start now. There is no turning back now! As sore and tired as I am, I'm excited that this is bringing n a whole new chapter of my life! I've said in the past that I can't even imagine myself as "thin". It's never been a part of who I am, but I'm excited to start this new chapter of my life. I'm excited to see where God is going to lead me and what He is going to mold me into. I have to be patient, though, and that's a hard thing for me to be. I need to be careful and follow this diet. The band isn't a magical device that is going to do miracles, but a tool that I'm going to have to learn to manage and make work for me. I'm ready though! I'm ready to move forward and continue with this journey!
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